Friday, November 13, 2009

Hell no, I won't tow

Tow Truck Driver
We are looking for an experienced Tow Truck Driver, with a great attitude, people skills and a flexible schedule. We offer competitive wages and benefits along with a state of the art facility and trucks.

You know how large masses in this country get violently upset at corporations like Halliburton? How any company who engages in innocent activities such as profiting from war or raping the crust of the Earth for oil is the new devil of our time? Well, that’s how I feel about towing companies. They are, for the most part, forged from pure evil and staffed with demon employees who relish every moment they can prolong the ransom for your piece of shit vehicle.

I was once towed from my apartment due to a mistake on the part of my landlord. I was away that weekend, driving in a friend’s car. And I didn’t go to use my car for another two days once I returned. All this time, it was at the towing company, being charged an extra $50 each day for a storage fee in their completely empty lot. They said it wasn’t their fault my landlord is a moron, and I owe $400 for the very hard work they did of moving my car two miles. But the worst part was how much they enjoyed doing that. They were like those demented kids you see pulling the wings off dragon flies and frying live ants with a magnifying glass. Yeah, I did that too as a kid, but that’s not the point.

Of course, my landlord refused to pay for it too. I could have taken her to small claims court if I wanted to miss work, but odds say she would have gotten off anyway on her legitimate defense of being brain dead.

So no, I will not be a tow truck driver. Even though the amount of evil involved is well up to my standards.

Verdict: Sorry, I’ll PASS.